Come out, Come out 13

Leonardo pulled in a deep breath through his nose. He sighed it out through his mouth.

Donnie… It was easy for Leo concentrate on him. He started by remembering his soft presence, calm, smart, strong. Donnie had a way to make everything alright. Hearing the genius laugh would signal to Leo that all his siblings were safe and relaxed. The smell of coffee was comforting, it showed that Donnie was awake and it gave a sense of home. The basic action of resting his hand on Leo’s shoulder grounded Leo when his mind was whirling with doubt and confusion.

A warmth wrapped around Leonardo as he continued to think about his brother. The way he whistled through his teeth. The quark of sticking his tongue out from the edge of his mouth while he concentrated. Seeing those beautiful redwood colored eyes looking at him bashfully while Leo would try to lecture him into eating more in the morning other than some sugary toaster pastry.

His train of thought ushered him forward towards his desires. To be able to gently caress his brother. Hold him close. Hear him breathing. Feel the beating pulse that kept his body warm. Nothing else mattered, only that. Donnie home, safe and sound. He wanted him. He needed him.

There was a sound.

A heavy, rapid foot fall approaching.

His senses spiked, anxiety of a fight sparked up his shell as he ripped open his eyes. A terrible dread clutched at his heart as he tied to scramble up to his feet. Adrenaline surged through his system as his limbs almost flailed to find purchase in the wet ground.

There was a bright light off in the distance. The singular roaming eye swiveled in the dark sky. It’s gaze illuminated everything it landed its sight on.

Leo dove behind a cluster of barrels. His shell pressed hard against the metal drums in an attempt to keep it from making noise from clattering due to how much he was shaking. The tip of his beak was cold. The joints in his fingers and toes shot pain throughout his limbs when he tried to move.

He rubbed at his fingers trying to get any other sensation back into them besides that terrible ache. He flexed the digits testing his grip. It was weak, shaky. There was no way he would be able to efficiently hold his swords, not like this.

To add to his misery, his stomach felt sunken in. He was hungry. His lips were chapped so badly that when he ran his tongue over them he could feel the sting of saliva rubbing into several splits.

When was the last time he was able to find a scrap of food? He could still taste the sweat and mud on his tongue from drinking out of puddles.  Not much was keeping him going, a hope that was quickly starting to fade into a dream.

He held back a swallow as he watched the light pass by, it lit up buildings that looked freshly built. Windows had white painted sills, the brick was a bright ruddy color until the light moved on. He watched it go, bringing to life several more buildings before stopping and repeating its pattern. A predictable one at that. The only variables he had to contest with were the ones that came in the form of shadows that refused to be banished by the light. He knew all too well to keep away from those things with their long reach and endless appetite.

He felt the familiar ache of his leg. He placed a hand on it, holding in a hiss when pain lanced through him from the contact. He rubbed at the purple bandage trying to sooth the displeasure away. He would have to move soon. He always had to move. If he didn’t, he would be caught.

Oh how he wished he wasn’t there. He wished he was back at home hearing Raph beat away at his practice dummy, Mikey screaming at the top of his lungs over a video game, seeing Sensei meditating in the dojo… feeling Leo’s subtle touches of encouragement. To be told by his leader that everything was going to be okay… Give him direction… Keep him safe… He wanted Leo…

Wait… wasn’t he, Leo? Why would he be…

He moved, shifting onto his knees, keeping low. The light was coming around once more, the edge of it caught on the rain slicked barrels allowing for a brief reflection.

He could see tired redwood eyes looking back at himself. The face of Donatello was littered with scratches and bruises, lips split, chapped and swollen.

Leo was seeing through Donnie’s eyes. Hearing his thoughts, feeling his pain.

Donatello closed his eyes, resting his forehead against a barrel. He was so tired.

He took in a few breaths as he counted. The light passed again. He took this chance to heft himself up to his feet and make a run for it. He was halfway across what looked like a courtyard when an ear piercing wail sounded overhead. It wound itself into his ear drums forcing him to wince. His heart rate shot up as that all seeing eye above jerked to the side stopping a few yards away from him.  From this angle he could finally see that the light, that blazing eye in the darkness, it was a spot light. He looked to what had caught its attention.

The shadow stood against the wall, stretched out long and thin. It made a garbled sound of someone struggling to breath. The noise jerked and spasmed as if it was choking on air.

A horrible, terrible, primal fear grasped his heart. He pushed his body to run as fast as it could as the shadow twitched and choked.

He needed to get out of there. Put as much distance between himself and that thing. Stealth was abandoned when he collided with a chain linked fence. The rattling was muffled by the siren blaring overhead. Numb fingers and toes dug into the fence, the metal ribbons cutting into him as he tried desperately to climb with tired and frail limbs.

That creature, it was getting closer.

Everything inside of Leonardo wanted to pull away from Donnie, push him over that damned fence he was struggling with. He wanted to draw his swords to take a stance between that THING and his brother. The heavy desire to protect his loved one screamed in despair as all he could do was watch while terrible emotions that were not his own bombarded him. It reminded him with each painful second that passed, with each slip of Donatello’s fingers that he couldn’t take him away from that situation. He couldn’t hide him away until the danger had passed.

Instead all he could do was be useless as Donatello finally tumbled to the ground on the other side of the fence. The sickening crack was felt as Donatello’s ankle bowed at an unnatural angle. The turtle screamed grasping at his leg just above his injury. He hissed his breath through his teeth trying to push the pain to the side. Tears blurred his vision as he swallowed down another scream.

He had to keep moving.

Donatello pushed himself up onto his hands and his good leg. He fumbled as he propelled himself forward in a clumsy ramble.

The thing was behind him. He could feel it.

A terrible whimper welled up through his throat.

He was going to be eaten.

It was going to sink its teeth into him like before. Biting down in intent of ripping off a hunk of bloodied muscle. It had already tried before with his thigh and his arm. The wounds stressed and bleeding as he struggled to move faster like a three legged stray.

In his desperate attempt to reach safety his mind had become so focused on simply getting away that he didn’t see the movement to the side. The wailing of the siren made it impossible to hear the heavy stomping until it was too late.

A terrible pain suddenly struck, the impact of knuckles was unmistakeable. Donnie’s vision blurred as he stumbled, trying to keep himself on shaky arms and leg. He didn’t have enough time to recover before another fist connected to his jaw. The world twisted around him before it reached up and grabbed him. Though a short distance the disorientation stretched the time to feel like minutes before he hit the wet ground. He scrambled to take hold of anything when a hand grabbed his broken ankle. A bloodied scream ripped out of his lungs.  White lights blossomed in his vision as his head swam with the shock.

His mind was reeling, all thoughts were scattered leaving him empty. Fear spurred him on to struggle. He kicked his leg, his thigh screaming in pain. He twisted, fingers digging into the mud. The pain from his ankle made the world swim. His stomach churned as bile and muddy water spilled out from his cracked lips.

Leonardo was shouting as loudly as he could for whom ever had a hold of his bother to stop! To let him go! Couldn’t they see how much Donnie was suffering!? He was to be cared for, protected, not dragged along the ground like road kill to be cleaned off of the road!

“Donnie! Fight back! Please!!” Leo shouted.

All Donatello did was throw up again. Unable to hear his brother’s words as white and black spots took over his vision. He felt a tug on his leg and one moment he was retching the next, he was sucking in shaking breaths of cold air. It felt as if the world had skipped. The slick earth scraped against his cheek, slipping into his mouth, mixing with the sweat making him cough.

He had blacked out. Now he was being dragged. The hold on his leg had been moved up and off of his ankle. It was a small blessing, and one that he took with great relish.

He was so tired. He tried kicking once more only to have his captor yank on him harder making his joints ache and his ankle hiss in protest. The fight in him had been exhausted. He rather rest in the dull numbness of the cold and lesser pain than make things worse by trying to free himself.

He was pulled over something sharp, he shouted as it cut deep into his leg before it skipped and jabbed into his side, up to his shoulder before it hit his cheek slicing into the tender, mud coated flesh as he was dragged over the object.

His leg was dropped. The sharp shock of his ankle hitting the ground made him groan.

With a lot of effort he pushed himself, rolling onto his shell to stare up at the sky.

What was he doing any more? In this world of perpetual shadows, he had tried so many times to figure out where he was and how to get home that he had actually lost count. Him. Hamato Donatello had stopped counting.

That was the start of it. A piece of himself sloughing off like wet cake. Mikey and Raph probably would have argued that it was a small piece, that it didn’t matter, but he knew better. He had revolved his life around being accurate. He kept count on how many times Raphael had quit the team. He had tallied how many times Leo had thrown a fight so Mikey would feel better. He had records on how many cheesicles Master Splinter had eaten.  To not count how many days have gone by, to neglect the accuracy of how many times he had tried to escape this hellish world, it was a large chunk of what made Donatello… Donatello.

With that gone other pieces slowly slipped away. With each wash the once solid, reliable, road that made up Donatello’s conviction eroded. The edges dropping off of the path he was blindly walking leaving him with little to tread on. It gave to the term “wearing thin”. How much could one person take before hope would be abandoned? How much farther could he run? How many more placed could he hide before those -things- would sniff him out once more? Food… water… where would he get those? He was barely surviving. He already knew he was dangerously close to starvation and dehydration not to mention his injuries. Moving caused a constant pain now. It drained him of his energy.

Donnie put his hands on the ground and tried to push himself up. His limbs gave, unable to support his own weight. He was too tired to try to get up. So tired… so much pain. He wanted to close his eyes and never open them again. Little hope was given to him. For a moment he thought he had that glimpse that things would change. Then… it was all taken away.

Leonardo was now crying. He was so helpless… useless. He couldn’t get through to Donnie. He was trying to tell him to lean on him. Take his energy, his life, take everything, just as long as he could continue to try and come home.

He wished he could touch Donatello. Hold him.

He begged for whatever god out there to allow Donnie to feel him. To give him some hope.

He wanted to be beside his brother. Tell him to hold on, to keep trying. He wanted to take his place and live through all of this in his stead. But all he could do was hear with his sibling’s ears. Feel the suffering of his body. Look through his dry and tired eyes.

Donnie stared up at the inky sky. There was no natural light here. No sun. No moon… not even a star.

A small sniffle pulled at his nose. He really wanted to see stars again, just one more time. Like his first time, leaned back in tall grass his head resting on Leo’s arm as his brother pressed up against him to keep him warm. The smell of smoke from Mikey and Raph’s camp fire tickling his senses as he pointed out the different constellations for his older brother.

He wanted to see a star again.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, tears burned as they slipped over his temples. Though, all he wanted to see was a star, in his mind, all he could see was Leonardo.  See his smile, feel his warmth.

A shudder ran through his body as he openly cried. He really had fucked up his life, didn’t he? He should have listened to everyone and taken a step back from April. He should have been brave and told Leo how he felt. He would be glad to live with the consequences be it bad or good. He should have told Leo how his heart skipped when Leo geeked out about Space Heroes. He should have said how he liked watching Leo sip his tea after meditation. He… He should have told him how much he respected him.

He should have told him that he loved him.

Now, he’ll never get the chance.

Leo shouted through his frustration only for it to not be heard.

Donnie felt the twist of dizziness wrench his thoughts and emotions to the side. Intense nausea overcame him. Twisting onto his side a mixture of bile, sweat and watery mud spilled past his lips once more onto the wet ground. His stomach contracted forcing his body into another violent pull of vomiting.

He whimpered and cried as he continued to empty what little liquid he had left.

He was going to die. Wasn’t he?

Die afraid, cold, and alone like a stray dog in the streets… maybe it was for the best. He had a good run… sure he was young… but considering he was a mutant turtle that wasn’t even supposed to exist… he had done some pretty amazing things, seen some pretty amazing things…

His vision was growing less defined, blurring, darkening.

Maybe… this time… he wouldn’t have to wake up. All he needed to do was let go. Let go of that small flickering hope he would get to see Leo again. All he needed to do was give in to the embrace of the reaper.

Slowly blinking, he saw boots approaching him.

His captor returned, grabbing his ankle once more. A lovely darkness overwhelmed him, chasing away his pain and despair.

Leonardo had tried to yell and scream. Tried with all his might to reach out and grab hold of Donatello, tell him to hold on! That he was going to come and grab Donnie and bring him home! But Donatello couldn’t hear him, couldn’t feel him.

When the darkness came, everything fell away. Leonardo was pulled away from Donatello, his brother’s form lying still at his feet.

It wasn’t how still he was, nor how pale, it was the sight of his image flickering that seated a deep fear into the blue banded ninja. It was like a flame, struggling to stay lit.

He fell to his knees, scared to touch the turtle he loved. He didn’t know what to say. His throat constricted as tears burned his eyes.

“Ho-old on,” he managed to push out in a long breath. “You gotta hold on, Donnie. Please. I-” His hands hovered over his brother, terrified. “I love you so much, please, Donnie… please don’t give up. I-I need to tell you… I need-”

Donnie flickered once more.

Then he was gone leaving only a tendril of smoke behind.